i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
You need Xanax blowdarts
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize