Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
