Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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