"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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