I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
