Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
