Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
