If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Randomize
