I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize