I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
