i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
