she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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