Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
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