Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
