Cold hands, warm shart.
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Randomize
