you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
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