Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
