Acid is not a monday night drug
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
