What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
