So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
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