11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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