I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
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