like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Randomize
