I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
Randomize
