its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
