i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Randomize