dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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