We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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