So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
