i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
