I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
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