I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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