i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
he came faster then a bring it on movie goes to dvd
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
