you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
