puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
So vagazzling was a success
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
