I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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