that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
