so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Randomize