Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
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