Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
