I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Randomize
