If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Is it penis luge time yet?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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