someone get that fucking seahorse.
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
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