umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Randomize
