Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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