i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I am available for nakedness
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
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