i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
