just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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