All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
