Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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