Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
