This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Randomize
