1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Randomize
