puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
