Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
