I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
