i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
