I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
whose ass print is on the piano?
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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