Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Will you please bring me a line of coke at work without asking questions?
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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