The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
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