That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize