so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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