I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
