I like to think it a success when the cops are called
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
