I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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