"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
You did what with his pubic hair?
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
