She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I wish there were birth control emojis
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
Randomize
