I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Randomize
