I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
