Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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