I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I walked into the living room this morning and he was there with 3 shots in a row. He said it was "tea time."
was his pinky out?
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
