I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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