whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
