So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
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