if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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